Friday, November 19, 2010

The Return of Blogger Girl

Hello, lambs. 

First, I am so sorry that I abandoned you webinetically.  I'll make it up to you somehow.  I've had a weird month - I know, if excuses were horses then highschoolers would ride them to school or something - but here they are anyway even though they have nothing to do with the subject matter of this blog: in the first week of November I spent 6 1/2 hours at the dentist in two days getting work done which was exhausting.  It's not that I am terrifed of dentists.  My dentist here is awesome and The Little Shop of Horrors or the final torture scene in Brazil never even cross my mind while in The Chair, except ironically.  It's just that for things that require a stiff upper lip like dentist visits, fixing broken bones, removing splinters, piercing one's own ear cartilage with a straight pin, etc., I am very detached which is great since I remain very chill about the whole thing, but it's more like a robotic power-down and it's surprisingly tiring to get back to normal afterwards. 

After the dentist marathon, I went to a nutritionist who confirmed, after various types of tests - blood and neurotransmitters and whatnot - that in all likelihood my chronic exhaustion, skin problems, and attention issues are entirely symptoms of IgG food allergies. 
Which makes me go: Awesome! That sounds like an easy fix! Which foods should I cut out?         
Yogurt, egg whites...
Oh, that's kind of a bummer. I make the best scrambled eggs in existence and roommates have sung songs of praise for them worldwide--
Cow's milk, pistachios, onions...
Seriously? I love pistachios, and I put onions in everything--
Brewer's yeast, glutin, wheat...
What?  Like, as in bread, and....and beer? Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!  I decided I needed to conduct my own research on the reliability of these finding over five beers and a couple whiskeys.  Seriously though, if there was some way I could work out a deal where one meal per day was some delectable, fluffy bread slathered in butter and I could get 100% of my hydration from varities of alcohol (maybe mixed in with some juices for breakfast), that would be great.  What cruel irony is this?  I am Scottish/Polish.  Half of my diet has always been wheat, alcohol and onions.  At least I can still eat potatoes, or I think I would just starve to death.  Or maybe I don't care that I never feel actually awake at any point during the day.  Who needs full consciousness and the ability to concentrate on a thought until it's been thought through?  I don't, clearly.  As for the eczema, I'll tell people I'm a burn victim and remain heavily swathed in layers of fabric.  *sigh*  Also there's like 75 more foods that "aren't good for me" on top of that, and I figure I should at least try the diet, but I would like to go on a serious week long bender first.

5 comments:

Louise said...

What a bummer, Meg! I hope the doctor was lying or stupid. I love what you said about horses and excuses. Hilarious, and I am totally stealing it.

Brigid said...

Meghan,

I am *so* sorry to read all of this. :( :(
Have no fear, we'll whip up something delectable, and something you can eat, when you come to visit! What about wines? Clear liquors? We'll find it!!
-Brigid

Meghan McNally said...

Thanks, Weez, and oh my gosh I hope it's a crock, too.

And, Brigid, I was totally thinking how lame the holidays would be on this diet, but I guess there are good alternatives. I am still rebelling against the idea at the moment, so who knows if I'll be committed to the thing by Christmas. Your empathy is hugely appreciated in the meantime. :)

Naomi said...

If you come visit me I'll cook for you. :)Concentrate on the things you can eat, and soon enough I'm sure you'll feel amazing. Let me know if you need some ideas!

Meghan McNally said...

Thanks, Naomi! I think I will take you up on that. :)