Friday, February 4, 2011

Heels: My Epic Struggle Against Pointy Inanimate Objects

My Piperlime gift card fashion victory has thus far afforded me hours of entertainment.  (Yes, I am crowing over my victory.  It's not often I win stuff, so just let me run a victory lap for this one, and I'll be done with it.)  I have ordered several thing from dear Piperlime, -- fyi: Piperlime's customer service really is top-notch, despite my criticisms of their product selection -- and I got the chance to play around with many brands.  My primary focus was finding heels I actually wanted to wear.  Being just shy of 5'9 and a teensy bit gangly does present a certain challenge in professional and sexy footwear.  You just cannot wear flats with everything, and I would like to branch out into things other than fancy Diesels and Doc Martens' menswear.  So I did order the Pour la Victoire black heels as pictured below:











They were pretty, if not really up to the quality I thought should be present in $200 black leather heels.  The crux  is, that heels may make me an Amazon, but they improve outfits and make you feel sexy, yes?  I may be the exception to the rule but I cannot feel sexy in shoes that make me feel as though I am mere seconds away from either snapping the heels off my twig-like support or collapsing into a very unflattering pile of fashion shame.  Literal stability is necessary in making me feel confident, and without actual stable foundations I feel more like this:

In case you can't tell, which is entirely possible since drawing is a skill that proves to be beyond me, this is a cartoon of a cat stranded on a box in a tempestuous sea, because, of course, cats are notorious for being sticklers for texture, dryness, and proper stability, though I'm not sure how effective my cartoon is if I feel the need to spell it out.  Whatever, I'm not trying to make a living as a cartoonist, so judge me kindly.  The point being that the little black patent shoes made me feel like this cat looks...so a big fat no to those.

Anyhoodle, I did manage to find these wonderful shoes by Seychelles:

I have worn these, in real life, three times so far because whatever genius designed these shoes realized that setting the heels closer in toward the center increases feeling of stability, so I can stalk around feeling like I am not about to buckle in on myself in a magnificent architectural failure, but instead feel as though I am as spindly and delicate as the Eiffel Tower.  So yeah, Seychelles.  

P.S. I need chocolate leggings to go with a shorter dress, and I have no idea where to get good ones.  Leggings horrify me a bit, so I need advice. Give it up and I will be eternally grateful.  

2 comments:

The militant working boy said...

I am not much of one for advice on heels or leggings or where to buy clothes (I do my shopping primarily at the Goodwill)... but that will not stop me from expressing my shock over how anybody can possibly manage to remain vertical in some of the things that they strap-buckle-affix to their feet. It is absolutely astounding and I somehow feel a deep admiration for those who manage to do it- which completely contradicts my feelings on the stupidity of such a feat (pun intended).

Meghan McNally said...

I also, have not a clue. It's not that I couldn't, it's more that for me, fashion that is not also comfortable seems like a massive fail, but I know many women disagree with me there.

And Goodwill is awesome.